I Believe in You and Me

"Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright"

I can't sleep because my nose won't quit draining. And making me sneeze. And dripping. It's gross and unnecessary.

I've been thinking about a lot of things. I feel like the few weeks after the birth, that my brain just stopped. I just needed to exist for a while. Now it's all coming to a head and I can't stop it. I'm getting short and irritable with almost everyone, I'm caving in on myself, I feel like I'm making my own problems, like I'm looking for things to be pissed about.  Then I feel guilty for thinking those things. Then I get pissed. And the cycle continues.

And I can't help but laugh sometimes.

There were only a few things that I was SET on with my pregnancy.

I was NOT going to see a midwife. No way, no how, not happening.

I was NOT getting induced. They were going to have to cut me open, because it was NOT happening.

I was NOT getting an epidural if I went naturally. Big ass needle in my back? No thank you, I'll skip that.

I was scared to DEATH of ripping. Scared shitless.

Look up irony in the dictionary. Go ahead. Take a minute. I'll wait.

Do you see my picture?

Obviously I also didn't want my son to pass, but that aside, let me tell you what happened.

I had an epidural so I could be induced so a midwife could deliver, and I ripped a decent bit.

Really? I mean...really?

I feel like that Sim everyone had, the one you LOVED to jerk around with? I feel like that is our life. I feel like a huge, walking example. How many lessons are we to be taught? Because I'm kind of over it.